CPE

So I am in my second month of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) and I love it. Don't get me wrong, my job is hard and the situations that I enter in are often devastating. But I find great meaning in what I do. The hospital has been a great context to integrate my theology and practice. I get to interact with people of all cultures, ages, religions, races, socio-economic status, and education and learn so much from them. I watch myself fumble in many of these situations, but I am learning so much. I have great peers to work with and a wonderful supervisor who guides us along the way. I am so grateful for this opportunity.

I didn't throw-up!!!!

I passed my first oral defense of my papers and didn't throw-up. Its a good day.

Pray for me...

Tomorrow and Thursday I defend my papers for my final comprehesive exam for the M. Div. I have had recurring nightmares that I walk in the room with my classmates and faculty and throw-up, Exorcist style, green even, all over the room. The dream ends when I politely, without saying a word, turn around and walk out of the room with all others present stunned.

This can be your prayer for me...
-that I dont throw-up
-understand the questions posed to me
-that I would be articulate
-I would be able to recall all that I have studied and be able to apply it appropriately
-once again, that I dont throw-up

Thanks for your prayers.

Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing...

Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing. Over the past couple of years, I feel like my life has been surrounded by heartache. I don't think there has been more heartache in the past two years but only then have I been able to see it around me. Divorce, miscarriage, sudden death of friend, death of child, break ups, hunger, war, cancer, etc. The list could go on forever. Its hard to find God in all of these situations. In my anxiety, I try to find words to articulate where God is and isn't. The truth is, I don't know. More often than not, words bring me more anxiety than relief. Surprisingly, I have found more comfort in the silence. Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing.

Thank you...

The past two years have been filled with change and transitions. Within two years I have graduated college, married my best friend, moved three times, started graduate school, watched my parents divorce after 31 years of marriage, and changed jobs 3 times. It has been a worldwind of a time. It often seems like the world is spinning out of control. There seems to be little stable ground nearby and it always seems just out of my reach.

I have found myself feeling isolated. No one can really know what it is like to go through all these changes. No one really wants to hear about the doubts and concerns these changes raise in a person. I dont want to be a burden to someone else. I can get through this; it will just take some time. This has been the biggest transition of all. It is hard to make new friends and find people you feel safe with. People that you can share your doubts with. People who know the in's and out's of transitions.

Well, I can say that I am beginning to make some of these kinds of friends now and what a blessing it has been. It is wonderful to spend time in people's homes getting to know their children or what they like to eat. It is such a blessing to find people that have real doubt and real pain and yet have found ways to live faithfully in the midst of it. It is such a blessing to have friends that share their life with you.

Thank you Steve and Maria, Tobin and Krister, Houston and Karen, Drew and Carolyn, Greg and Shirley, Dan and Kelli, and the countless others that have reached out to me and so many others in times of change, transition and instability. I have learned so much from you even in the short time I have known you. Thank you for sharing your life with me and allowing me to share mine.

Drum Role please......

Casey (CP) and I have some good news. No, we are not pregnant (at least that I am aware of). No, we didn't get a dog (although he would like to change that soon). Yes, CP (he is going by this now) just accepted a Youth Ministry position at Richardson East church of Christ. We are thrilled and cant wait to start. We will be moving to Richardson or Garland (its a little cheaper) at the end of May. We are so excited to serve alongside the christians at Richardson East and be a light in the community.

We are thankful for our time here at North Davis and have learned so much about ministry from them. As we were thinking about our relationship with ND we realized that one or both of us have been in relationship with ND for five years.

CP will graduate with an M. Div. in August and I will continue school this next year and hopefully graduate in May of 2007. After that, who knows? I just wanted to keep you all updated.

Twelve Marks of Mission...

Adapted from Church of the Savior, Washington, DC

1. Mission comes to you as good news--energizing, life-giving, creating. It is not ultimately dominated by a sense of 'oughtness'.
2. Mission carries a sense of the transcendent--awe of God and the possibilities that it raises.
3. Mission is true to your basic nature. It follows the thread of your own inner love and your own life story.
4. Mission usually seems impossible to be fulfilled--on the basis of your own resources. Usually accompanied by feeling of inadequacy and need for God's grace.
5. Mission persists over a period of time.
6. Mission is contra-cultural. It goes against the prevailing norms of the culture in addressing the needs of that culture.
7. Mission is risky. It can succeed or fail--but it is measured not by success as humanly seen; but by faithfulness. Persecution is a possibility.
8. Mission is costly--it involves a giving up.
9. Mission is evolutionary. It develops as you move into it.
10. Mission finds a point of specific focus.
11. Mission comes from a deep empathy--often out of your own woundedness.
12. Mission requires the identification, development and exercise of your gifts.

How does this idea of mission compare with your previous understandings? What can we learn from these principles? What could be added?